AnguishFace™

I want an emoticon for the exact gesture this lady is doing. I am calling it ‘anguishface’. Anguishface is TM me, it is NOT THE SAME as facepalm or :/ or the detestable :-s and I invented it. You are meant to use it when something ‘well bad’ is happening but you cannot be arsed to write a whole tweet or pointless blog post headed ‘Thinkings’. In the same way that the people of Germany have single words that denote very particular situations or feelings, I do not think it is entirely unreasonable to want a simple emoticon that denotes ‘compassion’. But AnguishFace is ALL NU because you get to use it when you are really busy and do not have time to ring that person to check they got out of that burning house okay or survived that well bad fall off of that mountain or whatever. You might think this is not real compassion but it is, it is compassion for busy people and also while we are here can I just say I am definitely busier than you. 

Guys, ‘Unlike’ is not the missing button under Facebook statuses, you are wrong. AnguishFace is the sign that says ‘OMG HOW TERIBEL’. You can use it when really really awful things are happening 24/7, day or night, wherever you are in the world - even if but especially when you are in the queue in Starbucks and this bitch didn’t listen to your order properly where do they get them from Lithuania and anyway you don’t have time for this shit. We need this emoticon. More than you know. 

So. Rather than banning yourself from the internet because you do not trust yourself not to say something unbearably, slappably trite, use AnguishFace™. Yes, it is an emoticon in the same ballpark of wrong as laughing at funerals and yes, I will give you that, maybe it does look a bit dashed-off and feigned and maybe that’s not okay with you, Gandhi, because you think I don’t really mean it. I mean, if you were going to be a total dick about it maybe you would say it sounds suspiciously like fauxcern, the internet word for this exact same thing. I don’t really have time for what you think, I just want someone to plot out AnguishFace™ using keyboard characters maybe using an Owl or something because I don’t have time myself personally and it’s not like it has anything to do with me or it’s like happening to me, right now, in this room, that I am in, right now, where I am. 

Here is a cat doing AnguishFace™. This is how I feel about your problems. I mean it.


Aug

11

2011

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